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In the end I put my dressing gown on and quietly went on to the landing. Still I hesitated to knock but in the end I gently tapped in her door and called softly, "Jenny... are you okay?" No reply. I opened her door half expecting a scream and being told to get out but nothing, just a renewed burst of crying. In the light from coming through the doorway, I saw her lying with her face buried in her pillow. "Jenny... are you okay?" I asked again but still no reply. My heart said to go and comfort. .. I wanted and still want to be with you, but I know I'm not the kind of girl you would be want to be with." Carefully I give into some deep need within me and touch her, placing my hand against her cheek. She thinks I wouldn't want a girl like her? Boy was she wrong. All I want is her, only her. Her eyes lift to mine, searching for something. I watch as her teeth scrape across her bottom lip, nervously. Anticipation building up within me, a growl emerges somewhere deep in my throat and next. I doubt very much that separation would have shocked her into change, and divorce would have inevitably followed. I find myself wondering if that might have been best. But such thinking is futile. I did sell the house. I did stay in Cambridge. And we did stay together, if peculiarly. My life become one of memory and fantasy. Memories of days, nights, experiences, with Julie and Anne, and other women, some of whose names I could not even remember, some of whom I was surprised to realize I had. "We've never even held hands, much less kissed," Gus said."That's easy to fix," she grinned as she took his hand, leaned to him and kissed him."That's going to get tongues wagging," Gus said, trying hard to supress a smile."Let them. The men are probably fantasizing about me and the women are probably envious. After all, I've been introduced as your girlfriend and I'm sure a number of the guests have assumed you and I have been intimate." I guess you can include me as one of the men.
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